My growing teen

" There is this boy who stole my heart. He calls me MUMMA - MOM - MUMMY."

Parenting a teenager is not like any other stage of parenting where we could experiment with the old methods by making changes and implementing the same. But then sometimes I do feel that parenting is actually about facing new challenges in every possible way. Accepting the fact that my little boy is turning into a young man has been a roller coaster ride.

                                       

It did take a while to understand that his needs are changing, he is asking for freedom and independency and is figuring out what he wants to be and above all his body is changing too. During this process of the transformation, I am learning few things :

1.  Make myself a safe place so that he can approach me anytime or in any situation to share his problems. Rather than pounding with a bag of questions, give time to him to unwind and relax.

2.  Be a helping hand while he is cleaning up his cricket kit or room. Sometimes these times are the best ones to start a conversation.

3.  Be ready to listen to him even if it is about his scripts or his You tube channel content or is nth number of business plan. Boys can be fickle and he might not want to talk when I am ready to listen. Hence, be ready when is ready to share.

4.  Be a guide to set limits, boundaries and rules. It is important to understand and be patient with him till till he figures out what he really wants.

5.  Hug or just snuggle him (though he doesn't like it much these days) and give him that mom's touch so he knows that he is still my little boy and means world to me.

6.  Make his favorite meal thus making him feel very special. I never knew that a bowl of Burrito was such a powerful dish.

7.  Talk and treat him like an adult and I see the magic how it is impacting our relationship.

8.  Believe and have faith in him. We share our secrets with each other and have those fun sign languages which are understood only by both of us.

9. Model respect and love for people around us so he also demonstrates the same as I want him to be a kind human.

My teen boy needs unconditional love from me and I will continue to shower upon him in every  possible way through daily love affirmations.

Build a relationship with your child

 

There is no relationship as beautiful as a parent – child as it gives us a second chance to be a child and grow into a different adult. As my little one (who is no more little) is growing up to be an independent individual, there are few things I have learnt as a parent (& I am still learning from him).

Let this divine relationship be full of love and understanding. One of the golden rules of Parenting is to always show your child the kind of person you want him to be. This is done by modelling the role. 

• Responsible – Accepting your mistake even as an adult, helps him to understand that it is ok to make mistakes but it is best to mend it at the earliest.
• Trust – Encourage him to try and learn from different situations as it will give him confidence to fight his own battles. This has helped him build trust and faith in himself too.
• Time – Time and undivided attention when he comes to you is of utmost importance. Listen to him completely and then react. Overreacting to situation and later regretting should be an avoidable situation.
• Respect – Teach him by example. Let him learn that everyone has their own self-respect, opinion and personal space. Respect is a 2-way street, if you want to get it then you got to give it.
• Rules – Yes, Rules are important to set a routine but be flexible enough to change as per the situation. Certain rules were ok when I was a child but now, they do not hold any purpose. So, it’s better to have rules which are win – win for both.
• Failure – There could be times where he is struggling to complete his assignment or task. Let him figure it out on his own (at least in the beginning). Do not rush to help him out. Let him understand “Failure is not the opposite of success but part of it”.
• Equality – It is very important that we treat the growing off springs equal. Encourage their opinions while planning a holiday, a meal, a visit to a restaurant or anything that involves.

A     Always remember :  

    "Respect is earned, honesty is appreciated, trust is gained and Loyalty is returned".

 

Life skills - A must

Teaching a child life skills is not only important in self care but also helps him in developing self esteem, confidence, socializing, independent thinking and reasoning.

There are certain skills which need to be inculcated at the very beginning of a child’s life and some as they grow. These skills are in cooperated from home and may be not at school. Being an Indian household, every family and religion have different ways of teaching these skills.

I have listed few life skills which I, as an adult and a mother have instilled in my son’s daily routine. Of course, there would be many more which might be taught at different levels. I strongly believe that none of the house chores should be gender specific.  Washing utensils or basic sewing can be done by anybody.

Little Angel (2 – 3 years old)

Ø  Puts his toys away with assistance.

Ø  Puts his soiled clothes in a basket, with little help from me.

Ø  Folds big sized napkins with assistance.

Ø  Assist in dining table setting like     laying the big sized cutlery – plates,   spoon, Bowls, napkin.

Ø Help him hold spoon / fork while   having meals on his own.

Ø Takes more time to complete his food   in the plate.

Ø  Brushes his teeth, washes and wipes his face with assistance. 

Cute devils (4 – 5 years old)

      

Ø  Basic house chores – laying / clearing the table before / after meals respectively, dusting the reachable places.

Ø  Knows his full name, home address and contact number (mobile / Landline) to be able to reach in case of emergency.

Ø  Placing all toys / games in places without any assistance.

Ø  Brushes teeth, washes face, combs hair and has bath on his own.

Ø  Independently folds medium sized clothes.

Ø  Segregates and piles up different categories of clothes.

Ø  Uses child friendly knife and Cuts veggies like Okra, carrots, cucumber with assistance.

Ø  With little help, he peels fruits / veggies using child friendly peeler.

Ø   Identifies currency denominations and its uses.

Ø  Selects his own clothes and basic understanding of
combinations to wear.

Adventurous (6 – 8 years old)

Ø  By now, he voluntarily helps in most of the house chores.

Ø  Enjoys chopping veggies using a blunt          knife.

Ø  Understands the concept of mixing and stirring while cooking.

Ø  Makes simple food like sandwich on his   own.

Ø  Sorts and puts away basic grocery items.

Ø  In an Indian household, he serves meals to the guests (with assistance)

Ø  Starts moving around independently, in known places like building compound.

Ø  Uses dustpan, broom and mopes the floor by him.

Ø  Prepares his birthday party guest list.

Ø  Selects his story books.

Ø  With little help, packs his school bag.

Ø  Tells time (with assistance)

Responsible (9 – 10 years old)

Ø  He starts getting independent with chores like crossing the road.

Ø  Takes care of his personal hygiene without being      told.

     Ø  Goes to a store and makes basic  purchases.

     Ø  Plans his meals with preferences.

     Ø  Uses microwave with assistance.

     Ø  Enjoys packing / unpacking his suitcase before/ after  travelling.         Ø  Looks after younger friends and cousins.

     Ø  Writes letter / post cards to family members.

     Ø   With little help, wraps gifts.

 ** This information chart is compiled with my own experiences and experiments. It varies as per every child’s need and development. It does not constitute a standardized research.

Valentine's Day special

While you always plan to spoil / pamper your spouse; do not forget the little ones! Celebrate Valentine's day simple but with a style.

Here are the ways to show love and make the day special :-

• Make homemade valentine cards.
  
  
  
• Buy inexpensive / small gifts like a heart shaped key-chain or his favorite chocolate.
  
  
  
• Make fun and memorable food like – A berry delicious smoothies or a heart shaped cake.
  
  
  
• Make heart shaped decor and decorate the house with the same.
  
  
  
•  Sign up for a parent – child activity or a dance session.
  
  
  
•  Go for a lunch / dinner date at his favorite restaurant.
  
  
  
• Plan a child friendly movie date at the nearest theater.
  
  
  
•  Watch Valentine day special movies like “life is beautiful” or “beauty and the beast” at home and of course with pop corn.
  
  
  
•  Wear matching clothes and have a photo shoot.
  
  
  
• Relish the red colored food.
  
  
  
  
• Read love - themed stories like “ A hug is for holding me”.
  
  
  
• Celebrate by pampering with a head and foot massage.
  
  
  
• Encourage the Random act of kindness by giving food to the needy or leave a thank you note to any of the community helpers.
  
  
  

Correlation

Learn while you travel

Learning is always fun especially when it is while you are travelling. Travelling teaches many valuable things which we can apply in our work too. Below mentioned are few skills which I feel correlate at work and while you travel -

• Keep calm : Delayed flights / trains; least preferred hotel rooms, always-complaining passenger and so on teaches you how to keep cool and enjoy the trip. Being adaptable to situations and circumstances also helps in managing stress.
•  Time management:
  This is one of the most important skills that we learn especially while travelling with children. Advance research on the places to visit and their working / opening hours could help in saving lot of time.                                                                                         
  
• Visualization: When travelling with different groups of people, we learn how each individual thinks or feels about a place thus broadening our thinking too.
  
• Planning: Imagine, it’s your toddler’s lunch time and you are in the middle of a boat ride where there is no food available. Timely planning could have avoided this situation where the toddler could have been fed before getting onto the ride.
  
• Communication: It is very important to communicate in the right manner keeping in mind different cultures have different ways to interpret things. Always be a good listener to be able to communicate better while travelling.
  
• Appreciation : As we travel, we also learn about different cultures of different countries. We enjoy listening to and discovering their history. Appreciating the same will enable us to adapt to different cultures easily.
  
•  Make friends:
  Making friends with strangers while on travel helps in understanding their culture better by learning their language, tasting their local food and so on. It is so amazing to discover how every individual from every culture is so unique and different.
  
• Curiousness: The inquisitiveness to know about a place helps to improve our knowledge and enhances the cognitive skills too.
  
• Be adventurist: It is good to experiment new ideas and experience things out of the comfort zone.

No matter where and how you travel, you are always learning something useful. Similarly, whatever work/ job you do, learning from mistakes & developing new skills takes place on a regular basis.

On to a new journey

My journey from motherhood to a facilitator has been a fascinating one – because I enjoy sharing my knowledge with the younger ones. Being an inspiration to my little one has made me realize that I can make a difference in the lives of the learners. I truly believe in 21^st century learning which means all of us are learning at every stage.

          After completing my “Early Years in childhood” teaching course from a renowned institution, I decided to enter the Education World. During my journey, I learnt:

• Each day, each child brings with him an immense number of variables and possibilities.
• Lesson planning with class management is a must.
• Its absolutely OK to fail in the lessons that are planned.
• Every learner is different and unique.
• Always listen first.
• Age appropriate experiments are one of the best ways to understand and learn concepts.
• Sharing essential knowledge leads to a positive bond of communication.
• Connecting home and school makes us a great community of Learners.
• We inspire, mentor and support.
• With good co teachers, we also make new friends.

         Though it was a tough decision to take up a job which is filled with so many responsibilities, it gives immense happiness to know that the children have taken back something that they did not know before. The ability to share knowledge is a bit like a superpower.

Dedicated to all the mothers who decided to take this bold step of “being a working Parent.”

Let them get bored

 

Today when we get bored, we have or know lot of things to do like:

•      We read books, articles, newspapers and so on.
•          We go for a walk or go cycling
•          Some of us love to write. So we even pen down our views / thoughts.
•          Some of us even dance on loud music.
•         Some make such beautiful paintings in their boredom.
•         Some invent new recipes which are so delicious. Many more such activities that all of us indulge into.

BUT,

Ever wondered what our kids will do if they were in our place?

The answer is: they would either watch TV or play on iPads, mobiles, tablets and other gadgets.

Why is it necessary to always plan something or the other for our child? Why is it that we have to think whether they will like or dislike a particular activity?

In holidays, I have seen most of the moms sign up their kids for summer camps. In spite of attending 6 to 8 hours of school, yet they enroll kids for all sorts of classes. Upon asking few of them, I have most common replies:

1.       I am a working mom. I don’t have extra time to spend it with her. So its better she goes for some activity to “keep herself busy”.

2.       I don’t have the patience to entertain him for 4 hours until he goes to bed.

3.       He gets bored after coming from school. So its better he goes for some classes.

Just think this way. Years back, when we were young or in our teens, did our parents think the same way as we do today? We ALSO GOT BORED. But it is during this boredom, we learnt to grow.

·       When we went out for family gatherings, we also got bored. But we learnt to interact with everyone whether elder or younger than us.

·       There were days when we could not step out of the house and we got bored. But we knew what all games or activities to look for at home.

·       I used to finish having dinner well before time than my cousins. But I had to wait until they finished theirs so that we could play again. I got bored waiting for them. This gave me a chance to talk to others around and helped me to kill my boredom.

·       Our parents did have a had social life. They too had friends and relatives coming over. They would get busy with them. We got thoroughly bored. BUT we learnt to go in the room and play some game on our own.

I am not comparing full fledged between us and our kids. Yes, we have moved forward a lot but we need to think seriously on this. If we don’t let our child get bored and then how is he/ she going to be able to decide what all can he/she do to pass by their boredom. It is high time that we stop entertaining them all the time. We must stop planning their days and weeks in advance.

It is absolutely OK for kids to get bored. Boredom is one of the important factors of our lives. It is when we get bored; we get into a thinking process. Boredom is scientifically linked to creativity. It is the wandered mind which helps people to “think out of the box”. Research has shown that boredom can inspire the mind to have a creative solution to most of the problems. Since, most of us don’t like to get bored for too long, we tend to get motivated to seek out new goals and experiences.

DIY ACTIVITIES AROUND DIWALI

           
The much awaited festival of the year is around the corner. We all are busy with cleaning our houses and offices. Preparing for the coming festival season is so much fun.

The kids too are excited about the festival. They are eager to get new clothes and gifts. They are thrilled to burst crackers too. Being a parent, I have always believed that I must involve my son in most of the activities that are happening around. So this year I thought of involving him during his Diwali break.

Following are the few activities which I have either already done with him or plan to do it in his holidays :

1.Cleaning cupboard : This is one of the most important task in Diwali. It can get tedious but at the same time it can be made into a fun activity. So I asked him to arrange his clothes category wise. So he decided to segregate by keeping shirts together, T shirts, shorts, pants, undergarments, socks and his Indian wear.  Then came to organise his accessories like belts,  caps, watches and sunglasses. He enjoyed this process. I can confidently say that he has started to understand the concept of segregation and organisation.

2. Card Making : Since he doesn't like to draw much,  we have assembled sticking material to make Diwali cards for his friends and family.

3. Gifting : Most of the Indian families follow this custom of sending  gifts to each other houses for Diwali. Involving him to wrap those gifts will be a fun activity too.

4. Cooking : The idea of cooking and serving something together will motivate and excite them to participate. So one of the evenings we made his favourite sandwich and he enjoyed every bite of it.

5. Rangoli : This is one thing which I look forward during Diwali. Pratham too has enjoyed watching me making Rangolis. This is time it will be Mother son Duo making one.

Likewise there are many activities which we can involve our child to keep them engaged. Right use of their talent and creativeness will definitely help them in achieving their goals.